Teddy’s New Rules

Report, Session Two: March 24, 2007

Stop complaining, Teddy. It gets worse if you complain. Frak.

Rule No. 2: Always remember where you are

Even when you’re somewhere you think is safe.

Getting all angry and distracted about Sava meant I didn’t notice somebody had tampered with the Embrace. And that nearly got us all killed. Thank the Pancreator Brother James has his head on straight. When gas started filling the ship, he managed to break the view-screen and get Sava and Shui-Lin out.

That wretched view-screen.

I managed to get the flush system working to get rid of the rest of the gas, and hopped outside to find Brother James’ had made some new ‘friends’. Any noble who can take one of his punches in the chin and not react with violence is some kind of saint. Sir Lexine Hawkwood introduced herself and her companions and started swapping pleasantries with Sava. Shui-Lin, who I think was the only one of us actually affected by the gas, was tended to by Sir Lexine’s companion, Bishop Dhaval.

I traded small talk with Sir Lexine’s other companion, a Muster by the name of Sorley. I think I offered to buy her a beer sometime, but my brain was someplace else. Mostly I wanted to hit things, but since I’m not actually very good at hitting things, I settled for moping – Sava and the others sashayed off to find lodgings, and I moped around on the Embrace. She’s not a nice place to be at night when you’re feeling paranoid and there aren’t any doors. I think I would have felt better if somebody had tried to sneak in and rob me. At least I could have yelled at them.

Rule No. 7: Never forget a favour

Or in this case, yet again, a slight.

Swallow. Stupid, irritating, Swallow.

I hired some guards in the morning to look after the Embrace, and went into town to work off my funk with a liberal application of alcohol. Not that I got beyond a couple of beers – it seems my work ethic is stronger than an occasional desire for oblivion.

Most of the morning was spent in business conversation – figuring out options for transport to Nowhere and whether we’d be better off selling the Embrace and hiring a ship or going it alone with a pilot. I can’t say I was surprised by the figures, but it kept me busy. Then a few beers with some local Charioteers got me a warning about my travelling companion. Seems a certain Commander Swallow had been spreading rumours about Sava being one of the Changed. Just what I needed.

Brother James kindly came down to the bazaar to help me out. My initial thought was to threaten Swallow, because that was the easy way to handle it, but James wasn’t keen. He seems to think of himself as a blunt object with no strength in conversational persuasion. Which really isn’t the case, but if he wants to play to his strengths it’s fine with me. Leaves me to do the talking, not that I was especially keen to do it – really I just wanted to smack the smug grin off Swallow’s face.

Anyway, we went and had a little chat with Swallow, which basically boiled down to James looming rather effectively in the background while I talked. I told Swallow there was nothing shameful about having his romantic overtures to Sava turned down, and that he shouldn’t take out his shortcomings on an innocent noble. I still wish I could have given him at least a bloody nose, but he won’t be spreading any more rumours.

Rule No. 3: Always remember who you’re talking to

Especially when you’re stressed.

All that stress and irritation, which I hadn’t managed to defuse with alcohol, and hadn’t taken out on Swallow, naturally came out on the next person I had strong words with. Stupid me, that was Sava.

I had a go at him for being so careless, coming out in women’s clothing in front of Swallow, who up until that point had only seen him in men’s garb. Sorry, her. Whatever. Upshot is, I felt bad, which is ridiculous because it was her that did the stupid thing, not me.

And, here’s a strange observation: I am more protective of my sister than my brother. They’re the same person. Why the frak should it matter whether Sava’s wearing pants or a dress?

Rule No. 6: Avoid religion and politics

I keep breaking this one…

Sava got himself (and entourage, of course) invited to stay with a local lord, one Baron Mikhail Kruschev Decados. The Baron seems a nice enough sort, for a Decados. He’s a fencing master of no small reputation, and Sava drools over him like a schoolgirl.

We settled into the Baron’s guest wing and discussed plans. I gave Sava the options regarding getting to Nowhere and back, and much as I expected, she elected to keep the Embrace for the moment and hire a pilot for the jumps.

I asked her what she intended to do after Nowhere, and she admitted she was pretty much making it up as she went along. Sir Lexine has spoken to Sava about joining the Emperor as a Questing Knight, which clearly tempts Sava greatly. She said that she hoped I (and James and Shui-Lin) would join her as Imperial Cohorts. I said I’d think about it. I’m flattered, but I don’t think it’s my sort of thing. I’ve got too much to worry about already.

We had dinner with the Baron, and I left once it was polite to do so. I think the Baron was amused to have a Charioteer at his table who knew the proper Decados forms. I really should watch that around Sava – she’s suspicious enough of me already.

I spent the rest of the evening in Shui-Lin’s room. No, nothing improper. Just talking about religion again. We got to talking about masks; the way people change the way they behave depending on who they’re talking to. I freely admit to changing my manners and outlook depending on my company. Shui-Lin finds the idea distasteful, and maintains that people should just be who they are. She even insisted that she was never anything more or less than what she pretended to be. Which, from watching her myself, is rubbish – she just doesn’t admit it to herself.

We also got on to the subject of Sava and the way I behave around her, which Shui-Lin thinks is disrespectful. She even accused me of having ideas above my station. Which might have a little bit of truth to it, because I do behave differently around Sava than I do around other nobles. I just can’t think of Sava as anything other than the little brother (or sister) that I’m meant to look after. So I give him more shit than I would if he was just another noble.

I’m sure Shui-Lin thinks I’m some kind of Decados spy now. I can’t quite tell whether she distrusts me, or is just frustrated by me. Actually, it’s probably both.

Rule No. 4: Never get drunk in a strange town

Unless you’re doing it deliberately.

It turns out that the twins are not playing fair. Now really, is anybody surprised by that? There’s an assassin after Sava, which we knew about, but there’s also two cells of Jakovians. And the Jakovians will go after Sava’s friends in order to get to Sava. Like we needed more excitement in our lives.

I spent most of the day getting stuff in order – arranging for replacement gear on the Embrace (including Shui-Lin’s damnable view-screen) and figuring out how to finance what will probably be enormous bills. And yes, it does irritate me that I’m responsible for the bills, but that’s not going to stop me paying them, or griping about them. I sold the think machine auto-pilot we appropriated from the Muster assassins on Barter, which gave me a nice big purse for ongoing bills, not to mention putting a little dent in my debt. I’m appalled by how quickly I can make a thousand firebirds vanish.

As the day got older I started a bar crawl, using a drunkard’s loose tongue as a cover for handing out false information about where we were headed next. Despite the fact that I was faking it, after five bars I’d had enough beer to be half as drunk as I was pretending to be, so I was not feeling very confident when the bad guys showed up. It was pure chance that I even spotted them, the bastards were that good. Just a few shadows where there shouldn’t have been any, and the sensation of being watched. Fortunately I’d been careful to stay in large groups of drunkards, so they didn’t attack me. I headed into the nearest bar with my posse, and called Brother James.

James showed up in one of Baron Kruschev’s cars, and proceeded to commit violence on the bad guys. He’s very good at that. I may have waved a gun around, but to be honest I didn’t have a hope of hitting them even if I’d been perfectly sober. James killed one of the Jakovians and knocked out a second, whom we dragged into the car before fleeing back to the Baron’s residence.

The Baron, typical of a Decados, had an ‘interview’ room ready for our captive. Fortunately it didn’t come down to torture – the Jakovian admitted that he was who we thought he was, and then killed himself with a poison tooth.

Rule No. 1: Never reveal your true background

Although, hiding it could be more of a problem.

All this to-do about assassins and Jakovians brought us to the conclusion that there was some other reason for the twin’s actions. Beyond simply wanting Sava dead, that is. It’s an awful lot of effort to go to, you see. They know that Sava has barely any money and can’t afford to buy assassins. But the twins, who as previously mentioned are bending the rules somewhat, have a seemingly unlimited source of cash and two units of Jakovians. Which brings us to Sava’s mother, who is possibly behind the whole thing, having both the money, and the ability to command the stray Jakovians.

Which brought me to a very uncomfortable thought. It’s possible, just very slimly so, that Sava’s mother wants her twins on the family seat and will do anything to eliminate her husband’s elder children. You’ll note I’m using a plural there. Only a very stupid wife would have been oblivious to her husband’s courtesan, and mother never bothered to change her name or cover her tracks. Another possibility is that the twins, in our disastrous first meeting back on Cadiz, saw Yevgeny’s amulet around my neck. That may have brought them to the conclusion that I’m working for their father, or if they told there mother about it, that I’m a larger threat to them – a bastard child.

Of course I could be completely wrong and overthinking the whole thing. Being paranoid. Please, let me be overreacting.

I’m going to have to tell Sava the truth.

Or at least some of it.

I need a holiday.